I want to be George Bailey

It's a Wonderful Life has been on my top ten list of favorite movies for a long time. I try to watch it every year, which is more than I watch most of my favorite movies. The film, to me, is almost perfect. I'm not going to talk about the details of the plot. If you haven't seen it then do yourself a favor and TIVO it next Christmas or go put it in your Netflix que.

There are a lot of reasons why I love this movie, but the biggest is because I want to be George Bailey. A man of high ideals who constantly puts the needs of his friends and family before his own. His wife loves him unconditionally with great passion and devotion. He is generous to a fault and believes in the good that is in all of us. He is willing to stand up for the little guy and be firm with the big guy, all while risking everything he has to do what is right. He is fearless. He is funny. He is inspirational. He loves his wife and his children. He is human. He has a wonderful life and doesn't even know it.

I want one too. I want to be George Bailey.

My Unfocused Way

I'm going to start working on my goals for this next year. I have a pretty thorough process for developing my goals and I'll blog about that later. But I need more discipline in my life. I have set up safe guards to protect my mind and eyes. I have accountability in a number of areas, but I still feel like I'm struggling. I'm not sinking like I used to, but I'm frustrated at how easily the enemy can infiltrate my mind and fuck up my day.

Make Jesus decision Randy says.

I don't know what's going on but that has become a lot hard in the last week. I've become unfocused and I need some clarity in my life. I feel like I'm all over the place, and while I have some long term goals, purpose, and direction I feel like my progress toward those is very slow right now.

It's a war in my head right now. Pray for me. I know the storm will pass. I just have to keep being Jesus to those around me.

I am trippin'

It was only a matter of time before I had a really bad day and let it get to me. The reality is I didn't actually have a bad day. I was just bored out of my mind. I think the saying goes "Idle hands are the Devil's playground." I had the day off Friday and did nothing but work on my computer at the coffee shop. At some point I was incredibly tired of what I was working on and I eventually wondered into old habit's of entertainment. Once that line was crossed there was little holding me back. I had done really, really well for about a month and while I didn't actually find someone to hook up with I still went back to my mat and took a little nap.

But that was Friday. I'm feeling the effect of the war that went on in the battlefield that is my mind. And even though I was trippin' I'm not going to dwell on it. The point isn't less sin, it's more Jesus and I have a long way to be more like Him. But I'm getting there.